You know, this didn’t seem like such a smart move

but then I read the details:

Computer geeks learn to flirt - at uni

Reuters | Monday, 12 January 2009

Even the most quirky of computer nerds can learn to flirt with finesse thanks to a new “flirting course” being offered to budding IT engineers at Potsdam University south of Berlin.

The 440 students enrolled in the master’s degree course will learn how to write flirtatious text messages and emails, impress people at parties and cope with rejection.

Philip von Senftleben, an author and radio presenter who will teach the course, summed up his job as teaching how to “get someone else’s heart beating fast while yours stays calm.”

The course, which starts next Monday, is part of the social skills section of the IT course and is designed to ease entry into the world of work. Students also learn body language, public-speaking, stress management and presentation skills.

“We want to prepare our students with the social skills needed to succeed both in their private life and their work life,” said Hans-Joachim Allgaier, a spokesman for the institute at Potsdam University where the course is being offered.

Leaving aside the rather obvious “LAWL GEEK SEX LAWL” angle the reporter decided to take on what was obviously a fairly bland and sensible “interpersonal skills” course, this is actually a pretty good idea.  Not so much because comp sci students are horribly socially retarded (though some are) but because the rules of online interaction are actually pretty opaque to many people up until they’ve already violated most of them and suffered the consequences.

Well, perhaps “rules” is a little strong, but there are certain conventions that should be followed.  (I’m consciously avoiding using “netiquette” because it’s not a fucking word, okay?  Okay.)  Such as, “Thou shalt not admit to Googling someone’s username/email address/real name to the object of thine affections” and “Thou shalt not incessantly send IMs/emails/Facebook comments to someone thou hast spoken to but once.”

Interaction via the Internet, or SMS, or any of the other “instant and anonymous” messaging systems can be a wonderful discovery for anyone, not just the stereotypical sweaty-palmed nerd.  Suddenly the difficulty of approaching people you would otherwise never interact with disappears in a haze of “lol ur hott!!!11!”  ejaculations.  All at once you know exactly how to introduce yourself to someone, and how to keep a conversation going when you have no idea what the other person is talking about. (What, you thought emoticons and “lol” were invented to convey meaningful emotions?  They’re the online equivalent of “uh-huh” or “mhmm”.)

Most people only learn that this blend of freedom, availability, immediacy and anonymity is not a license to say anything to anyone, or to step outside what would otherwise be acceptable behaviours, by trial and error.  Finding out that that just because that hot girl in your calculus class likes emailing you pictures of herself in her bikini, doesn’t mean she’s willing to talk to you on the street can be a painful blow to the newly liberated male geek’s ego.  Likewise, it can be hard to understand why that “hot 22 year old bi blonde” suddenly stops returning your IMs, until you find out that “she” is actually just trying to sign you up to a porn site (that will steal your credit card info, but that’s more of an advanced lesson.)

It’d be great to think that all this stuff would be laid out for you before you start using these media and getting yourself into trouble with classmates, parents and (potentially) the police.  Imagine if we gave kids the same sort of talk about “online living” that we give them about the birds and the bees-that is, we let them know beforehand how things work and what the dangers are so they don’t cross lines they don’t even realise are there until it’s too late.  Maybe even compulsory “How to send a sexy text” lessons for everyone who signs up for their first cellphone?

I don’t believe that the Internet is the dangerous, barbaric place* many “authorities” insist it is (and funnily enough, the majority of those authorities are making a pretty penny off dubious filtering software when an observant parent or friend would be much more effective) but there’s an argument to be made that becoming a good citizen of the Internet (no, not “netizen”, gah) requires a certain level of civic education: to understand the conventions of the context you find yourself in.  It’d be great to think that tomorrow’s nerds might not have to suffer the ignomy of finding out the hard way that pictures of your penis sent via electronic means tend to take on a life of their own.

* Rule 34 aside, naturally:

Okay, Lance. For entry into the college bowl, spell 'Throbbing'